Do men in the delivery room hinder their laboring wives? An affirmative answer to this question may not be popular, but it deserves to be considered. Michel Odent, a French obstetrician, recently wrote an article outlining why men should stay out of the way and give the women some privacy. I think he makes some good points.
From his experience he has formed the opinion “…that the participation of the father is one of the main reasons for long and difficult labours.”
One reason is that during labor and delivery a woman needs to be able to stop thinking and just let our bodies take over and do what comes naturally. Another is that we need to be able to relax. Having a worrying spouse at our sides prevents this.
No matter how much he tries to smile and appear relaxed, he cannot help but feel anxious. And the release of adrenaline is contagious.
It has been proven that it is physically impossible to be in a complete state of relaxation if there is an individual standing next to you who is tense and full of adrenaline.
There are many types of classes offered to help teach us how to relax and let our bodies work. I took one such class before the birth of my first child, and found it utterly useless. I’m not saying that all these types of classes are a waste of time for everyone. A friend and his wife took a hypnobirthing class and from the sounds of it, it was very worthwhile. Knowing what to expect is a very good thing; it is reassuring to know that things are going as they should and what options are available. I wish I was as informed with my first as I was with my last.
I think there is something to this relaxing idea. My last three children were born at home, and I couldn’t have a contraction to save my life until the children were safely out of the house and in the care of Grandma. Once they were gone I felt free to have the baby; I was not responsible for anyone else.
With this last baby, Republitarian was kinda scarce, and it was fantastic. He was in and out of the house and then later settled into the computer closet, sticking his head around the corner once in awhile to ask how things were going. He was close if I needed him, but he wasn’t hovering and making me feel self conscious.
Which brings up another point. Most of us would be very uncomfortable having someone staring at us while we used the bathroom; it’s something we do in private. Delivering a baby is something I would rather have some privacy for as well.
Here is another thing to consider: Is the man there because he really wants to witness the birth and all it involves or do they feel a cultural pressure to be there? Watching someone I love goes through that kind of pain, when there is nothing I can do to help them, doesn’t rank too high on my list of great ways to spend an evening. And, quite honestly, what amounts to a wet St. Bernard trying to squeeze through a cat door isn’t something I really want to see. I get woozy helping to pull a calf. (Actually, I’m ok during the process since I have something to do, but when it’s all over, I come very close to fainting.)
This is not to say that I believe we should bar men from the maternity ward. Some families may be very blessed to share the experience. My point is that we shouldn’t feel pressured to do it one way or the other. If a woman wants her husband there and he wants to be there, wonderful. On the other hand, privacy should be just as acceptable.
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Glad to see you have your own website. Interesting posts too.
I was at the delivery of my two children. I do not know how much my being their helped my wife or not. My poker face is none too good. Nonetheless, due to my acceptance conventional wisdom, I suppose I would have felt hurt if my lady had not wanted me there.
What we tend to forget is that people are different and have different needs. Even though there is lots of talk of about diversity, it is surprising how much some people insist other people do things their way. Most of the time, however, those people ought to be contented they are allowed to what want to do their way.
I think I would have been hurt if my ex had said he didn’t want to be in the room when his kids were born and I’m glad he didn’t make me think about it! Even though he was kind of useless, I know I couldn’t have done it without him there. I think it should all be personal preference for the mother.
Well, we both know what I was thinking, Darling.
Yes, Sweetie, which is just one more reason why you should keep your distance.
My husband was present at our daughter’s birth and there was absolutely no way I could have done it without him. BUT we had practiced and practiced relaxation through our hypnobirthing and honestly he handled all of the hospital questions, etc. so I could just focus on relaxing. Other than that, he and I didn’t have too much conversation.
I do think the post has some great points though. I have heard of some research that suggested having another woman in the room during the birthing process (doctor, nurse, friend, etc) showed lower blood pressure and more relaxation for birthing mama.
You have a good point there, Amanda. I think it is extremely important for someone the woman trusts and knows to be with her, especially in a hospital situation. Someone needs to be there to answer the hospital’s questions and be an advocate for the woman. Sometimes the husband is the best choice; sometimes not.
As much as I love Republitarian, if I would have had to be taken to the hospital, I would rather have my midwives with me than him. On the other hand, my first delivery was done at the hospital and was horrible, yet would have been much worse had Repub not been there to stick up for me. I’m so glad he attended.
I think it’s too bad that our cultural norm dictates something that may, in some cases, not be in our best interest.
“Cultural norm” also dictates that birth is anything but a healthy, normal, natural process. It’s treated as a sickness, that is painful, scary and inconvenient. So many babies enter the world as part of an over-medicated society from the start—even when it isn’t necessary. Sadly.
Amen to that!
Yes, Amen Zen! Both of my kids were born in the hospital, but if I’d been a little less trusting of my doctor at the time, I don’t think things would have gone the way they did. I wouldn’t change the fact that I had a healthy baby for anything, but if they hadn’t treated me like I had a disease instead of a child coming out of me I doubt they would have felt the need to slice me open for no good reason.
I had a midwife for the second child and they treated birth the way it should be treated even within the medical confines of a hospital.
Having had one c-section I don’t feel comfortable having a child at home now, but I’d gladly have another VBAC with the wonderful midwives!
My husband is a farmer and a truck driver, so he missed the first one and came in right after our last one was born. My Mom and favorite Sister-In-Law was in there for both deliveries and of course my mid-wife. So it all worked out. My SIL and brother wanted to have a baby and I was afraid this would scare her off, LOL, but they had my niece 16 months later.
wildkids7, would you have wanted him there if work would have permitted?
Midwife, mother, sister-in-law and no husband. Sounds very much how things used to be done.
How many children do you have? Sometimes it sounds like you have two but your moniker mentions seven (wild ones).